Mother's Day Weekend

One of Finnegan's favorite positions: feet up in the air/folded on top of his diaper!

Christine:
I'm kind of at a loss for what to say regarding my first Mother's Day. It's hard because Finnegan should still technically be in my belly, but instead he is here shocking us more and more every day. I have to say I am a bit grateful that he's not inside of me because man, that boy is a squirmer! Let's see... I have 3 days to cover, so here goes nothing!

Friday was my errand day. I ran around the majority of the day before heading to the hospital in the evening. One of my errands included a stop at Mrs. Fields to order and pick up a cookie cake for the NICU nurses for Nurses Week. I included a little card so the nurses would know who it was from once the cookie was cut. It was so hard not to eat this on my way to Peoria. The smell from the passenger seat was so tempting. Ian stayed at home to continue recovering and work on finishing up his two classes from this semester. I have to say, I'm really proud him for pushing through and finishing up the work when he could have taken incompletes. I'm not sure I would have been able to do what he's doing. I really admire his strength.

 I missed rounds on Friday because everything took longer than I expected it to. Regardless, there was little to discuss. They lowered his rate on his cpap again by five (so he is now on 5 breaths per minute) and he continues to gain weight. They upped his food to 17 ml and also started giving him some sodium every six hours. He also is doing really well with his feedings. Everyone is just blown away that he hasn't had to go back to priming, since most preemies really struggle with tolerating food. During feedings, they started giving him a pacifier to practice sucking. He's been doing SO well with that. That is until he falls asleep or goes into his "food coma"/"milk drunk" and it falls out.

Friday night, I got the chance to Kangaroo with my little dude again. We read new books and snuggled. He wasn't as alert this time, but he was sure cozy and snuggly! What's even better, he didn't brady at all! It's always an easy time falling asleep after having him in my arms.

Seriously, mom! No picutres! ;)

Saturday morning, I ate breakfast, took care of Finnegan's morning diaper and temperature check and got ready to go back to Bloomington. Before I left, Finn's NNP came in to do a morning assessment before rounds. She decided to take his rate on his cpap down to zero, meaning he would have no assisted breaths. She said that because his bradys have not increased by decreasing his rate, they wanted to see what he would do without any extra help. I guess we'll see! He continues to be on the extra sodium. The NNP said that if his rates continue to stay low, they will probably supplement his feedings with formula. He will continue to be on 17ml of breastmilk, but they are toying with the idea of putting his food on a pump. Usually, he is fed from a tube which is hung from the top of his bed. This allows gravity to just pull the food down his feeding tube to his belly. Well, the feeding tube he had in was too small and was not letting the food down fast enough, so when the nurses would help it down, he would brady because it would be too much pressure on his little belly. So, they changed his feeding tube to a bigger one. Unfortunately, that meant the milk was coming down too quickly and he bradyed again. To solve this problem, by the end of the day, his milk was being administered on a pump which meant that it gives him a steady and continuous amount of milk over a set time period, reducing that quick flow that caused him to brady. It seems to be working better for him. These are just some quick shots I took of Finnegan before I left Saturday morning.

After I left Finn, I went to get pedicures with my friend Jessica. It's always great catching up with her and simultaneously getting my feet all prettied up. :) Afterwards, I came home, at lunch, and passed out for a couple of hours. Man, did I need the rest. I didn't sleep that well the evening before at the hospital, so I needed that extra couple of hours for sure. When I got up, I started wrapping up Mother's Day gifts. Then, before I knew it, it was time to meet my Uncle John, Aunt Jan, and cousin Katie for dinner at Busy Corner Family Restaurant in Goodfield before heading down to Peoria to see Finnegan. We had a really amazing dinner which ended with some really amazing pie. Once we got to the hospital, I sat back and watched my Aunt and Uncle ooh and aww over the little guy. I can't wait until Finn is big enough for Uncle John to pinch his little cheeks! I remember always being chased around by Uncle John as a kid, and I can't wait for Finnegan to experience the same thing. My cousin Katie ripped off all her fake nails on one hand just so she wouldn't have to touch Finnegan with a glove. That's love right there! Finn was feisty as usual, trying to squirm, kick, and punch hands away, while also holding our fingers with his hands and feet! Overall, it was an amazing visit, and it was hard to say good night to Finn and go back home.

(Sunday: Mother's Day) Even though it was hard leaving Finn, I slept like a rock last night in my own bed. I don't think I'd slept that many consequtive hours since before I was in the hospital about 3 weeks ago. Gosh... time flies! Needless to say, it was not a positive wake up call with regards to pumping, but it was all worth it in the end...except that I fell back asleep and we missed church. Whoops. I spent most of the afternoon attempting to pull myself together. I didn't think the whole concept of Mother's Day would affect me so much, and I didn't think that it would take this long for everything to hit me. But, today it hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized that we're in charge of this little life that we have created, but  also need to take care of myself and my husband. The only thing just scared the crap out of me. I think I was past due for a breakdown, and I just cried. Afterwards, I felt calm and somewhat collected. I helped Ian clean up the house a little and we ate lunch together while watching "Burn Notice."

Soon afterwards, I recouped in the shower and got ready for the in-laws to come over for dinner before heading down (or... I guess it's actually across) to see Finnegan. My mother-in-law and I exchanged Mother's Day gifts and then they gave us a gift for Finn. It was a whole huge bag of adorable clothes. They were all SO adorable and we are SO grateful for all of it! Ian made homemade pizza of several different varieties. They were very yummy and my tummy was happy! After doing a bit of clean up in the kitchen, we headed out to Peoria to see the little squirt.

Finnegan was in his usual feisty mood, fighting the respiratory therapist and the nurse while trying to pull out his feeding tube. My in-laws quickly noticed his cry had gotten louder since that last time they saw him. He's quite the screamer! Since we had missed rounds today as well, we learned that they upped his rate back to 5 on the cpap just to see if his bradys would go back down since he had quite a few over night. Since then, all of his bradys today have been self-correcting. Even as I sit typing this in Finn's room, he has had 4 bradys in the past hour or so, and all of them have been quick and self-correcting. One of them in particular he fixed himself, but the nurse realized he had a lot of gunk in his throat, so they suctioned him out.

Overall, it was quite the Mother's Day weekend. It's time for me to end it on the best note possible: Kangarooing with our little miracle. :)

Thursday, May 10th: Daddy has surgery...again.

Finn's new goals!

Christine:
Ian went in for another surgery to heal the fistula that formed after he had the perirectal abcess last year that came back again this year. Here's to hoping this does the trick and he won't have to have any more of those! I stayed with Finnegan to make sure I was there for rounds, and Ian's mom came down to take care of Ian. I slept well in Finn's room. I woke up to pump a couple times, but otherwise slept through the night. At about 11, I decided I was still tired so I took a 2 hour nap. The nurse and doctor woke me up for rounds at about 1:15.

Little Dude snuggling with mommy's fingers.

Finnegan is 17 days old today! He only had 5 bradys yesterday, 2 were self correcting and the rest required gentle stimulation (yay!). Because of this, the doctor decided to wean him down on his breaths on the cpap by another 5 breaths per minute. That means, Finn is now on 10 breaths per minute. The doctor reitterated that Finnegan is only on the cpap because of his As and Bs, not for the oxygen, because his oxygen saturation has been quite stable. The spot on his nose seems to have almost gone away, but he will stay on his neosporin ointment for a couple more days to make sure it really is gone. Tomorrow he will have a chem8 blood test to check all his nutrient levels. He will continue to be on 16 ml of breastmilk that is fortified with caffine. Additionally, he gets Vitamin D in his milk once a day to help with his immune functions and bone growth. This doctor seemed to think the mysterious "hernia" on his right side is actually his testicles that haven't decended. Either way, time will tell what that mysterious little bump is in his diaper. ;) I got patted on the back for keeping up with pumping and Finnegan's growing food needs. I just keep thinking... my boobs will never be the same! But, it's all for a good cause and a gorgeous little boy! :)

He has such long toes!

Around dinner time, I came home to my mother-in-law and Ian cooking up a storm in the kitchen. Apparently this surgery went better than I anticipated, because Ian spent the afternoon after his surgery shopping and cooking! Then, he spent the rest of the evening straightening up the house! He definitely took me by surprise! Dinner was AMAZING and the company was even better. Here's to hoping that Ian feels as amazing in the morning! :)

It's hard to see, but this is Finnegan's art corner with
special drawings by his own cousin, Kaylin Strong! :)

Wednesday, May 9th: "I love you all your fingers and toes times bagillion"

Christine:
This morning Ian and I woke up and spent the morning laying around in bed. It felt nice to relax together and just be with one another without really talking about anything in particular. Once we finally got ourselves moving, we went to take my car in to Discount Tire so I could get my winter tire and wheels switched over. What I thought would be a simple switcheroo turned into an little bit more of an expensive trip, but it was well worth it! Apparently, two of my tires were close to having no tred left. As a result, I needed two new tires. Well, the company that made my other tires, changed designs to the treds were different. We ended up getting a credit on the existing tires and getting four new tires. I ate lunch at Moe's while I waited for my tires to be switched. Then, it was off to Peoria to be with my little man and hubby. It felt SO go to drive my car to Peoria with brand new tires. It felt good to drive, but the tires made it that much more wonderful! :)


Ian went to the hospital right after he dropped me off at Discount Tire so he could get to work (remotely), so I met him there when the car was done.

We were expecting to make rounds, since the past couple days rounds have happened in the late afternoon, but his "regular" doctor wasn't there, so another doctor took over rounds. They were finished with rounds before Ian and I even got out of bed! One of our favorite nurses took care of filling us in on rounds, though. He gained more weight, so he's not about 1lb 13.7oz. He had about 10 bradys yesterday, so they are keeping his cpap on the 15 breaths per minute. The goal is wean him off the cpap, but we don't want to take him off before he's ready. During his morning assessment, we were told that they detected what appears to be either a hernia or an undecended testicle. His nurse and Ian both think it looks more like a hernia. I immediately panicked a little, but the nurse assured us that it was normal for little babies to get hernias, and that the process for fixing it is very simple. Before he would go home, they would take him into surgery and remove his hernia while also circumsizing him at the same time. Lucky boy! We also learned that they are upping his food another mil to 16 from 15 and adding Vitamin B to his milk instead of giving him a multivitamin. Let's keep him growing strong!

Ian's mom and Aunt Cathy came for a visit later in the afternoon. I love seeing my mother-in-law interact with Finn. Between both sets of his grandparents, aunts and uncles, and great aunts and uncles, Finnegan will be one spoiled little boy. In my opinion, he deserves it! :)

During our visit, my favorite pair of flip-flops broke. I tried to mend them with some medical tape, and it worked temporarily, but my mother-in-law was so kind as to get me a new pair of flops when her and Aunt Cathy went to the gift shop. LOVE them! :)

After a while, we went to Ming's for dinner. I had been craving Chinese food, and the Ming's in Bloomington shut down. So, needless to say there is a bright side to being in Peoria! Unfortunately, I wasn't too impressed with the Peoria Ming's. I primarily was disappointed because they didn't have sprinkles for ice cream. I mean, seriously! Regardless, we had an enjoyable dinner! :)

When we got back to the hospital, mom and Aunt Cathy left. Ian and I went back up to hang out with Finnegan for a while. Ian is having another corrective surgery tomorrow, so he won't be at the hospital to visit with his son for a couple of days; something I think he's not too happy with. While talking with Finn, Ian told him, "I love you all your fingers and toes, times a bagillion..." and he went on with a bunch of other "numbers" including "google," which I didn't realize was a number. Listening to Ian talk to Finnegan warms my heart every time. I can't believe how quickly Ian turned into a father, and a stinkin' good one at that! :)



Ian left after a while and I started working on some job applications and cover letters. I thought I would just pass out at 9pm, but I was so close to finishing The Help, so I decided to finish reading it to Finnegan during Kangaroo time. That hour and a half was one of the most amazing times I've spent with my little man. After we got situated, I started reading to him. As I read, I rubbed his little head. If I stopped reading or rubbing his head, he would open his eyes and look at me. He got to eat while we kangarooed, so I had to often times stop reading to make sure all his food was going down. He would open his eyes, and move his head around to look and see what was going on. I think he was looking for his daddy. He loves his daddy so much! It took everything I had not to cry for joy when he opened his eyes up for the first time while laying on my chest last night. He opened his little eyes, looked around a bit and stopped and stared at me for at least a minute. He's so beautiful! I was initially quite worried about kangarooing without Ian there, but it was a wonderful bonding moment with my little boy. A moment, I probably won't ever forget. We only got through about a chapter or so of The Help, but I finished it before I went to bed. I have to say, not a bad read! :)

I keep thinking about how much life has changed for us, and how much life will still change within the next couple of months. I'm not sure it's totally sunk in, but I know that God would never give us too much that we couldn't handle (thanks, Aunt Kim!).

He has really started keeping his eyes open for longer periods of time.
As you can also see, his cheeks have started to chunk! :)

Monday, May 7th: Finnegan likes food!

Finnegan's "little" belly! :)

Christine:
I spent the night at the hospital, and I slept surprisingly well! I had to wake up a couple times to pump, but I easily fell back to sleep. In fact, I actually slept through my alarm! Who'd have thought this vinyl pull-out couch would be so comfy!? :) Ian stayed at home because he had a follow-up with his doctor and was also starting back up at work this week at a reduced schedule.

I quickly got it together to go shower. When I stepped out of the shower, I found myself on the floor. Their shower system is not the best, given that all the water flows out of the shower onto the floor, so that when you step out of the shower, you step into big pools of water. Having showered there several times, I knew this; however, despite my caution, my foot slipped and I did the mini splits. Thankfully, I just banged my arm on one of the safety rails that I couldn't quite grab. The pregnancy padding on my tooshie took care of the rest. What a way to start the morning!

After I quickly pumped, I realized I was going to be late for my follow-up appointment at 9:30 in the hospital. I knew my appointment was on the sixth floor, but I didn't quite know where it was. The only time I was taken up there was on a gurney or on a wheelchair trying to ignore contractions. So, I grabbed a couple granola bars (Thanks, Kim!) and headed through the hospital in search of the Maternal-Fetal Diagnostic Center where my follow-up appointment was to be held.

About 10 minutes later, I found myself in a small little hallway that they called the Maternal-Fetal Diagnostic Center. I'm not sure why they called it a center when it consisted of 2 procedure rooms and 3 offices, but whatever floats your boat! :) The nurse took me in one of the rooms where I was to lay down. While another nurse took my blood pressure, the nurse that greeted me said that she was glad I was doing better because the last time she saw me I was a "bad patient." I quickly realized that she was the nurse who found me in the bathroom. She kind of retold her version of the story and giggled. I fake laughed with her but swallowed back a hard lump in my throat as I looked across the hallway at the ultrasound room where the whole thing went down. I didn't realize how much all of this effected me. Needless to say, my appointment was painless. The nurse checked my incision and said that the steri-strips that were hold the incision in place were ready to come off whenever they fell off and that everything was healing nicely. My BP was 130/90, higher than it has ever been for me, so they kept me about 10 minutes before rechecking and then letting me go. The pathology test from my placenta just reconfirmed that there was a placental abruption. All other tests came back normal. Therefore, it's very possible that Dr. Leonardi's scenario is true: the subchorionic bleed caused little contractions which caused the clot  which caused more not so little contractions which caused the abruption. The reason for the subchorionic bleed? Who knows.

Little Finn right before his feeding time.
This is when he is the most alert!

After the appointment, I came down to have breakfast. I dozed in and out of sleep while watching Finnegan throw his arms around in the air and kick his feet up when it got closer to his feeding time. Without fail, about a half hour before his feeding time, Finnegan will start looking around and throwing his hands all over the place. Frequently his hands end up in his mouth. That smart boy knows when food is coming! :)

While rounds usually take place around 11:30 for us, the doctor didn't come around until about 2:30pm. It wasn't a big deal for me considering I had my book and the z's to keep me company. Rounds were short and sweet. Finnegan only had 7 bradys yesterday (one less than the day before!). Six of them required gentle stimulation and the other was self-correcting. I'm anxious to see his brady count tomorrow because since this morning, I only recall 3 bradys, 2 of which were self-correcting! Because he has been such a good boy with his breathing, the doctor knocked his forced breaths down from 25 to 20. The doctor was impressed and said how amazing the difference a couple days can make with regards to his maturity. Otherwise, he will be on to full feedings tomorrow. The past couple of days, they have been weening him off of his TPN IV and gradually increasing the amount of food he gets. As of tomorrow, he'll get his "max caloric" intake. As he grows, the amount of calories will vary, which means the amount of food he will get will vary as well (aka more food!). The doctor was only concerned with his calcium levels which were a bit low; however, she said she wanted to wait to see what happens this week before modifying anything. So, she said we'll wait and let him grow with his full feeds, and recheck on Monday. Tomorrow he will be getting a metabolic test which looks for a LOT of different disorders that he could have dealing with his metabolism. All babies in the NICU get this at day of life 2, 14, and 28. Other good news: His jaundice has been resolved, so no more phototherapy and in about a month (or 31 weeks gestation for Finn) we will begin trying to nipple/breastfeed! Right now, whenever the nurses have tried to give him a pacifier while he feeds (which has been twice), he bradys within a minute or two. He's not quite there yet, but my goodness how far he has come!

Finnegan's weight chart. He started at
785g andis now at 820!

After his 8:30pm feeding, Finnegan and daddy got to have some Kangaroo bonding time. This is one of my favorite things to see. Ian and Finn just look so happy together! :)

Ian - I spent my day traveling all over. I went for my appointment at 9:00 only to be told that the doctor was in surgery until 10:30, so I could come back then or at 11:00. The phones were ringing off the hook, so I didn't bother complaining. Maybe someone had a surgery scheduled last minute and she was trying to call me but the phone kept ringing in the office - who knows, I didn't really care. I drove to work to pickup a cell-card for the laptop so I could do a bit of work remotely without relying on the hospital's wifi which blocks VOIP and IM communication. I walked one of my coworkers through one of the tasks I normally do but hadn't had the chance to fully document yet.

I went back for my appointment and found the reason for the little sting of pain I had been having was a suture I kept irritating. Thanks for missing that prompt-care doc! We scheduled a repeat surgery to put a fistula plug back in on Thursday - hopefully this one stays in!

After that I tried to get the cell-card for the laptop to work, but no matter what I did it wouldn't work. Turns out I was given a card that had a note "Use this one the least" which is code for "This one doesn't work, but we're going to keep it on the shelf anyways". Grrr. The got another one from ISU's Telecom department and I came back to pick it up. That one worked. I also talked through with my manager the things I should be focusing on. I didn't accomplish a single thing all day, but hey, that's what the last 2 months have been! Maybe tomorrow will be different.

As you can see from the pictures above, I got to kangaroo with Finn! We snuggled for a little over two hours. He had a small self-correcting brady about halfway through and then near the end he had another that needed gentle stimulation. I was hungry so I decided he'd do better in his isolette ;).



Sunday, May 6th: No more IV!

Christine-

Today Finnegan crossed the line on his feeding schedule, which means that he no longer will be getting TPN through an IV! The nurses were impressed that he was able to keep his peripheral IV in for 3 days, but then again, Finn hasn't really done things by the book. The's been tolerating his feedings better than anyone expected, and he's creating big poopy diapers for the nurses and mommy and daddy to change!

This morning, Ian and I went to mass at our parish, St. Patrick Church of Merna. It was nice being back there. We realized we hadn't been there in about 3 weeks because of my being in the hospital and then Finn being born. Afterwards, we picked up some breakfast food and ate a quick breakfast. Apparently, I didn't move fast enough because Ian and I ended up missing rounds today.

Whoops... but here's what we found out. Finnegan lowered the amount of bradys by half! Instead of the usual 16 bradys, Finn only had 8! We were so proud, and the doctor aparently was as well because they lowered his forced breaths on his cpap by 5! So, now instead of getting 30 forced breaths per minute, he's only getting 25. He seems to be doing well with that! Otherwise, everything else is going well!

Soon after Ian and I arrived at the hospital, my parents came for a visit. My mom jumped right in to talk to her grandson and my dad sat back on the couch and just smiled. He's still a bit unsure about touching Finnegan. I can see why; Finn is so stinkin' tiny! After a while, we went out to lunch at this brewery called Granite City. SO GOOD! We said goodbye soon after lunch and my mom and dad headed back home while Ian and I headed back to the hospital to await the arrival of Finn's Grandpa Bruckner.



Ian and his dad bonded over technical conversation and where things are located on a map. Quite the typical conversation with those two, but it was nice to see. After Finn had his "dinner," it was time for his IV to be taken out and that meant Kangaroo time!

The nurse handed Finn over to me and I got to place him on my chest. It was so amazing holding his little body in my hands before he got all cozy and nestled up. We had an amazing 90 minute Kangaroo time. During the last half hour or so, Jodie, one of our favorite night nurses, took a family photo of us. It was quite the experience. :) Then, as Jodie was getting his bed all ready for him to go back in, Finn reached up with his little hand and touched my chin. At first, I didn't realize what he was doing because his hands are so small, it took me a second to realize what I felt on my face. Then, I looked down at him and saw his little eyes peak open. That made it harder to let him go! Around that time, Ian went home and I went to the family dining room to eat my dinner. When I came back into Finn's "neighborhood," I could hear his little squeaks down the hall. I hurried into his room and found him all fussy in his bed. I quickly sanitized my hands and reached in his bed to calm him down. He wanted nothing to do with me! I held onto one of his little feet and rubbed the bottoms. Within seconds, he was calm and had his  hands above his head in defeat. Little did I know that feeding time was just minutes away. Apparently Finnegan already has the schedule figured out. Our little man loves his food! :)

I am spending the night at the hospital because I have my follow-up appointment from my surgery at 9:30 tomorrow morning at the hospital and Ian is staying at home because he has his follow-up and pre-appointment for his surgery at 9am in Bloomington. Now that Ian is going to start back up at work, it looks like I might be doing more of the hospital staying. Now that I'm feeling a bit more perky, I can't imagine being anywhere else. That little man blows my mind with how amazing he is! I'm hoping that Ian adjusts well to starting back up with work. All of this has been quite overwhelming, and I just hope he doesn't spread himself too thin. He's the most amazing husband and father I could have ever imagined. Finn and I are too lucky to have him! :)

Before I went to bed, Jodie asked me to help her measure Finnegan's length and get his diaper and temperature for his evening feeding (well... one of them; he gets fed every 3 hours). Finnegan measured 13 inches, .25 inches longer than he was measured at birth! Also, Finn measured in at about 1lb 12.5oz! We're fattening that little boy up for sure! :) It was easy to fall asleep knowing my little guy is making such amazing progress! :)

Saturday, May 5th: Finnegan is a rock star!

Christine-

I spent the whole day at home sleeping. It feels good. :) I know I need to be strong for my family, so I know I need to make sure to keep myself healthy and recovered fully! I must have needed all the sleep I got, because every time my head hit the pillow, I was out in a matter of minutes. Usually, it takes me a bit longer to fall asleep.

Ian came home for "linner" with steaks from the store. He marinaded them and cooked'em up nicely! It's amazing how much I really cherish our time together now. It's like every time we are together we just click. That's not to say that we didn't before, or that we don't fight, disagree, or otherwise annoy each other, but everything just seems that much more perfect since Finnegan came so abruptly into our lives. He has really brought us together in a way I didn't think was possible.

Because I'm doing well, and I'm almost at the 2 week mark since my surgery (when I will be able to drive!), Ian has "allowed me" (he keeps me honest. I probably would be miserable and not taking care of myself if it wasn't for him) to take the stairs 3 times a day if needed. So, after linner I went back up for another nap. When evening came around, Ian brought home Taco Bell in honor of Cinco de Mayo, then left to go back to Finnegan, and I went downstairs and continued watching the last season that Netflix has of Weeds. Such a hoot! While watching, I caught up on some news and played a couple of games on Facebook. It felt good to just relax. At that point, I believe if was around 11pm, I really started missing my baby. I hadn't seen his beautiful little face in about 30 hours. I went through the blog and looked at the plethora of pictures and even watched some of the videos for what feels like the hundreth time. I'm still amazed at how much he has changed since he was born. He is absolutely unbelieveable.

Ian - rounds were good this morning. We had a new doctor - Each month we get a new doctor who takes care of Finn on the weekdays; On the weekends they rotate who has rounds. This doctor said, "I'm sure you've heard this plenty of times, but he's a rock star!" He said that at this point if Finnegan were following the normal progression, they wouldn't be talking about things like a feeding schedule (he's halfway through his ramp up between getting more and more breast milk and less and less IV nutrition (TPN)) or things like weaning off of SiPAP because most babies would still be on a ventilator and receiving surfactant - neither of which Finn has ever needed. Finnegan is averaging 15ish bradys a day with a mix of needing mild stimulation, moderate stimulation, or some even self correct. The bradys aren't really a big deal as long as his oxygen saturation stays in good numbers - which it is. The bradys will stop happening as frequently as Finn ages. By 34 weeks gestation we can expect them to drop significantly and by 40 weeks he'll have just a few a day and by 44 weeks they'll stop altogether. Tomorrow Finnegan's IV comes out assuming he continues to do well on his feeding schedule. He rose slightly above his birth weight of 785. He had dropped down to 720 and now he's up to 795.

Friday, May 4th: Mommy catches up on sleep

Christine-
I woke up this morning feeling a bit under the weather. Ian and I were concerned that being at the hospital while I felt crummy wasn't the best idea, so we stayed for rounds and went back home. I'm concerned that since my hemoglobin was still rather low when I left the hospital, that I'm not getting enough iron. I'm taking iron  2 times a day, but symptomatically, it makes sense. I have my follow-up appointment with my doctor on Monday, so hopefully some answers are given!

During rounds, we learned that Finn is gaining weight slowly, his head sonogram came back completely normal (NO BRAIN BLEEDS! yay!), he has about 2 days left of his TPN IV, so if he keeps his peripheral IV in, they won't have to stick him again! The only downside is that we haven't really been able to Kangaroo with him. We're more than welcome to, but the nurses said that most IVs fall out during Kangarooing. He only has to a day and a half left before his IV is taken out, so it's probably a good idea to not let that happen! I sense Ian and I will have a little bit of a duel when it comes to who gets to Kangaroo with him on Sunday!

This afternoon, Ian and I had a great afternoon of just relaxing. It's kind of unreal how much we've bonded during this experience. I'm blown away by everything he has done and continues to do for Finnegan and myself.  I only hope I can get strong enough and recover quickly so I can do the same for him.

I slept most of the evening, waking up only to pump, drink water, go to the bathroom, and eat. After waking up from one of my "naps," I realized that Ian had left to go back to the hospital, and I was alone. I had a little freak out before I calmed down. It was one of the first times I had actually been alone since before Finn was born. I spent the rest of the night playing Draw Something (thanks for getting me hooked, Ian) before I fell asleep.

*Ian - We actually talked about when I would be leaving throughout the day, and she was awake when  I kissed her as I was leaving. It wasn't a surprise, but she's been through a lot, so remembering it all is probably pretty fuzzy.

Thursday, May 3rd: Finn "graduates"

Christine:
What an amazing day! I spent the morning with my mom back at home, cleaning up a bit, paying bills (boo), and otherwise just being productive. Around lunchtime, we packed up and headed out to lunch before going down to Peoria to be with Finnegan. Luckily, Ian was headed up from Peoria to attend his Uncle Don's wake, so he met us for lunch at Steak 'n' Shake (yum!).

My mom and I rocked out to Lady A on our way to Peoria. I loved every moment of that car ride!

Once at the hospital, we both rushed to Finn's bedside to give him some love and attention. He was the most alert I have ever seen him! At any sound his eyes were open and looking around. His nurse for the day came in and gave me this wonderful report about all the WONDERFUL things Finn accomplished today:

1. He accomplished his goal of maintaining a mean BP above 25, so it was erased off of his "goal board." Now, he just needs to wean off the cpap, gain weight (which he did!!!), and remain infection free!
2. He moved up in diaper size from the micropreemie to the preemie diapers. The micropreemie diapers weren't wide enough to fit around his belly, so we had to move up! The preemie diapers are a bit too big, but they look a lot more comfy on him! His nurse gave us a stack of his micropreemie diapers as momentos.
3. His BP cuff got moved up from a size 1 to a size 2! The nurse gave us his size 1 BP cuff as well.
4. He will most likely not need to be back on phototherapy, so she also gave us his "sunglasses" to keep.
5. He continues to digest and tolerate all of his feedings, and he is pooping!

 I am so proud of him! My mom and I were beaming at him after the nurse gave us this report. He is just unbelievable!

He had his initial head sonogram today. The preliminary report came back normal, but the official report will be read tomorrow during rounds. It was a relief to hear that word, "normal."

They had to remove his PICC line today because of inflamation in his vein. They tried 6 times with 3 nurses and over 70 years of experience before they got an IV put in his little hand. His veins are just too tiny! They were planning on putting in another PICC line, but he may only need his IV for three more days! The only thing he is currently getting from his IV is his TPN or supplemental nutrition. As his "food" intake increases, they are decreasing the amount of TPN given to him in his IV. According to his feeding schedule, if Finnegan tolerates his feedings through May 6th, he will not need an IV at all! So, instead of sticking him again for a PICC line, the NNPs and Nurses both agreed that they will just wait to see what happens with his current IV. They said, since he's already beat the odds, who's to say this IV won't last for a couple days!? I hate the fact that they had to stick him so many times, but I'm glad they aren't going to again unless they absolutely have to.

He has an order for glycerin in case he doesn't poop for 24 hours... but he knows all too well where that glycerin goes, so he's decided to poop pretty frequently on his own, thank you very much. Currently, the only drug he is on is caffine, and starting tomorrow that will be taken off of his IV pump and put into his "formula" (aka my breastmilk). By next week, my little man may have no needles in his little body! :)

He's still having bradies and on 30 helper breaths at 21% oxygen (room air). His little nose is going through a bit of a beating from the prongs and mask of the cpap machine, but the nurses and respiratory therapists are working hard to try to remedy the problem so that a permanent mark won't appear on his little nose. Preemie skin is VERY delicate and sensitive, so this skin breakdown is common, but avoidable. So far, he has a darkened spot on the inside of his right nostril, but it's not very visible unless you look for it. To avoid any other spots from forming, they switch from mask to prongs every six hours, and check his little nose and placing his mask and prongs on very carefully. They are watching his head placement a lot more as well. Finn isn't too much of a fan of all this because he likes to throw his head back and otherwise do the opposite of what the nurses want him to do, but so far so good!

It's been very peaceful being with Finn in his room. As I sit on the couch, I can hear his little squeaks from his hiccups and see his little arm reach up to touch his face or attempt to rip off his cpap. I could probably sit and watch him all day, and the cool part is that he is starting to look back. :)

I've definitely started to feel like more of a mom this week. The reality of it all has begun to creep up on me and I've realized that the feelings I have about Finnegan and the pride I have in my little boy is what moms are supposed to feel like. Finnegan is my son. And he's quite an amazing one!

My recovery is going well. My brusing is WAY down so my skin actually looks like real skin! My incision is starting to hurt a lot more, so I'm wearing a lot of loose fitting pants and trying to lay down as much as possible. In other good news, my ankles and feet aren't swelling up as much, and I haven't been using as many pain killers (tonight is an exception...)!

I have my follow-up appointment with the doctor on Monday, and I should be able to start driving again on Tuesday. I still can't do much of anything with regards to housework and cleaning and bending over is still semi-out of the question, but I feel a lot more human!

Ian -

Wow, this has been great! Christine has written most of these last two blogs. I spent yesterday and today trying to arrange my schedule starting next week. It looks like I'll be working a reduced schedule, 12-5:30, through the time Finnegan comes home. That will give me the mornings to be at the hospital for his rounds with the rest of his care team. Then I'll take another week or two off, work another week or two of a reduced schedule and then *hopefully* back to a "new" normal. The first couple weeks will be remotely because I still need to care for Christine who can't drive until Tuesday and can't lift anything more than 10 pounds, exercise, or clean (I think she asked her doctor to add that to the list) until who knows when.

Her entire recovery is expected to be 6-8 weeks which is another 4-6 from now. I assume she'll slowly build back up to a normal routine. She's been busy grading papers from before her hospital stay and job hunting for the fall. There are some promising jobs out there. Hopefully she'll get a few offers and get have to choose between teaching high school, working at the university in a teaching capacity, or working at the university in a business capacity. Her masters degree in Communication and experience lends itself well to many jobs. She hates PR, so I won't say "spin", but it's all how she "applies" her education and experience.

I'm also hopefully have my surgery next week, so as soon as my bottom can tolerate sitting in an office chair, I'll be back in the office. I need normalcy. I really do. Thank God for understanding managers, directors and FMLA. Everything just hit all three of us in the family at the exact same time. I wish I could say the HR department at ISU has been helpful, but they've been dismal. No one has been friendly, they keep screwing things up, and in general I've come to really dislike working with them as an employee. It's not that anyone is giving me a hard time, it's just that no one seems to have their act together. On a professional level the people I work with in HR in the normal day-to-day course of my job are great. They've got the colleague thing down, but when I'm their "customer" it is another story.

On the plus side, thanks to great insurance, Finnegan's estimated $500,000+ hospital bill will only cost us a $275 copay. Same for Christine's $50,000 stay. On the down side, the State of Illinois has been trying to get rid of this insurance company. It's such a shame because they're great to work with! I wouldn't mind paying a little more to keep them. They tried to get rid of them last year, but that was challenged in court and ruled (I think) illegal because of the way they did it. New insurance is supposed to kick in July 1st, but the state hasn't chosen who we can choose from. Last year they tried to not offer a single HMO in our county. They gave Chicago the cream of the crop, but we would have been stuck with stupid 80/20 plans. Can you imagine 20% of $500,000? That on its own would make me leave ISU. I really don't want to. State of Illinois hear this, "I can't afford that!", I love working at ISU and I don't want to leave. Don't screw me and everyone else who works for you (or at least everyone who works for you that doesn't live in Chicagoland) over. We already personally pay for our benefits just like those in the private sector do, but if those in the private sector personally pay more than we do for similar benefits, then just have us pay what they pay instead of getting rid of great plans altogether! I'm not even sure that's the case, but if it were, that would only be fair. If you strip our benefits, we'll go find jobs in the private sector. Sure, you'll find people to take our places, but they won't be as good as us and you'll end up spending more money because of turn-over and inefficiencies  than you would have had you just kept us moderately happy! Try to explain that to the general public.

In other news, we're still hopefully under contract for a home in Lexington. We've asked for an extension because of our situation, but we haven't heard back from them yet. Our Realtor expects they'll accept. The house in Lexington would be great! It sits on almost an acre in a wooded subdivision. The town only has 2,100 people! I don't really know if that's good or bad, I've only known living with tens of thousands. It's 20 minutes Northeast of ISU on I-55, and about 25 minutes closer than where we are now to our family in Chicagoland. That's almost 50 minutes round trip less! Either I need a raise or Christine needs a job for the Fall since this situation bumped her out of work for the last month of her school year. We both have a lot to offer, so hopefully at least one of those things will happen quickly :). If not, we'll stay put in our apartment and look for a house again when the time is right.

Yesterday I traveled North to Chicago Heights to pay my final respects to my Uncle Don who passed away peacefully after a long battle with illness. I enjoyed his company at family gatherings :). I think he was even been the first person to ask, quite some time ago, if I had "put a ring on her [Christine's] finger yet?", and since I hadn't, "what's the holdup?!". I'll miss him, just like everyone else will, but I'm glad his end was peaceful. As would be his words, it wasn't a "goodbye". Instead, it was an "until we see each other again."

Gift from Kim, a colleague Christine teaches with. The sign was made by one of Finn's nurses.

Sign made by one of Finn's nurses.

Finn during feeding time! If you look closely, you can see his little eye peeking open to see what's going on!

Yummy! :) Finn has been eating all his food!

Looking down at my little angel.

Wednesday, May 2nd: Finn's Irish Temper

Christine:
Today I feel as if I am getting into the groove of NICU life. It feels like we're stepping into some sort of routine, although nothing about our life right now is routine. The mornings are usually boring with school work, busy work, or figuring out life when Finnegan finally gets to come home. Oh, and we shower...another highlight of the morning! The mornings turn to afternoon as we wait for Finn's doctors to round. Rounds are usually the peak of the day (except when we get to hold/interact with Finn).

This morning Finn received another chest x-ray to check the placement of his PICC line. Throughout the procedure, the ladies taking his "picture" were commenting on how his Irish name fits because of his fiery Irish temper. Apparently Finn might just be more of a squirmy baby than they're used to. It's hard to believe he's only a week old and already has established a personality. Needless to say, Ian and I are aware that we will have our hands full with his little guy!

Besides his x-ray this morning, Finn's billi number went up a little bit, but it's still below the "warning" area. The doctor wants to wait for his results from tomorrow's test before doing anything if they need to restart phototherapy. Otherwise, his nutrition levels went up and he finished his gut priming today! This means that Finnegan will actually start getting mommy's breastmilk as nutrition (up until now he's been receiving it in really low levels as a "gut primer" so it didn't count as nutrition). The hope is that by the beginning of next week, he will be tolerating his food well and putting on the pounds! The nutritionist came in during rounds today to discuss possible fortifications to his TPN and "food." As of late this evening, Finnegan had received two feedings and had "eaten" all his "food"! The doctors said that most preemies have some issues tolerating their new feeding schedules after priming. We're hoping that he may beat the odds this time, too!

The doctor decided to push up his head sonogram for tomorrow so we would have results before the weekend. This sonogram will look at any possible areas of bleeding which are extremely common with preemies. This is one of the scarier tests for me, so I'll be saying some extra prayers in the next 24 hours to keep myself calm and staying positive.

Finnegan and I were able to have some mommy-son bonding this afternoon. After lunch, I was able to Kangaroo with my little munchkin. He only had one brady while we snuggled, and he kept peaking up to look at me and Grandma Bruckner. It was nice to be able to snuggle with Finn and visit with my mother-in-law. Everything about this afternoon just felt right. He was super cozy with his legs tucked under his belly and his one arm under his head. I sat stroking his soft blondish-brown hair and playing with his little hands that like to flail about. He was extra vocal today, which equals my baby boy sounding like a little meowing kitten. He's too precious for words.

Grandma Bruckner

My friend Jessica came down to meet Finn as well this afternoon. With Jessica also being pregnant and due only a month after I was SUPPOSED to be due, I worried about how all this would effect her, so I didn't want her to be scared or overwhelmed meeting Finnegan. Needless to say, Jess made my afternoon. Her overall outlook on our situation with Finnegan is refreshing. I appreciated all of her kind words and support. I mean, hey...what are friends for!? I just wish her an easy pregnancy the rest of the way. I wasn't so lucky in that department, but let's hope baby boy Miraski cooks a LOT longer than Finnegan did! :)

Jessica was super kind and drove me back to Bloomington so I could spend the night at home. I've been spending every other night at the hospital just so I am able to recover a little bit more. My mom came down to spend the night as well. We went to dinner, BabiesRus for nursing essentials, and DQ for an evening treat! I can't tell you how much fun it is to be with my mom after all of this. She's such a goof, and she just gets me. It's comforting. After my mom spent some time being mesmerized by Netflix, we settled on watching Rango while I graded papers that need to get back to school. What a weird movie.

It's weird not being able to get up and walk across the room to see my precious little miracle, but I know he is in good hands and that is the most important thing for him right now. Plus, I know his pretty amazing dad is right there with him.

Tuesday, May 1st: One Week Old!

Finnegan pulling at his cpap!

Christine-
After Ian and I got packed up at home, we headed in the rain to the hospital this morning. After Ian squirted the soap on the floor during our scrub-in, we headed down the hall with our newly packed suitcase to Finn's room. The first thing we noticed was that there wasn't a bright blue light coming through his door! We rushed ourselves in and said good morning to our little boy. He was the feistiest we had ever seen him! He was pulling at his mask, he pulled out his feed tube, and was just overall quite the little punk. Ian and I both realized that Uncle Don's spirit must have visited him to show him the ropes in dealing with hospitals.

 His nurse came in to tell us that although rounds haven't happened, his NNP decided to take him off his phototherapy and also took him off the humidity in his bed. We are just overjoyed with his progress! He only had about 2 self-correcting bradies since the early afternoon and he pooped some more! The very good news is that most of his bradies are self-correcting and are not a result of him stopping breathing, but just taking too shallow of breaths. He's still on the level 30 CPAP that they put him on yesterday, but they're concerned about his current mask. The one he has now is causing a little bit of breakdown around the skin on his nose, so they wanted to try to fit him for a bigger mask. Well, the bigger mask is just too big for Finn's little nose and it covers up his eyes. They tried the prongs again, but those don't seem to work in Finn's little nose either. There is another option for them to try that involves a different type of nose prong hooked up to a vent instead of a cpap machine. It would still be used as a cpap, but the type of nasal attachment might fit better for his little nose. The easiest solution to the problem is to have Finn grow, but that might take a little time!

While waiting for rounds, I got to work on some school stuff that I have finally been able to attack. It's weird working on grading assignments and knowing that I won't be back to hand them to the kids. I just keep reminding myself I have a very important kid to take care of at the hospital, and I know that my students are in super good hands!

During diaper changing and temperature taking time, Finn was particularly feisty. Dad decided to have a talk with him about it. This just made my heart melt!

We waited quite a long time for rounds. The start of the month means that doctors change patients, so that usually makes the day a lot longer for everyone. It was worth the wait. Finnegan is doing very well. He will have another chest x-ray tomorrow to check on the position of his PICC line. He's been having quite a few bradies (3/4 are self-correcting), but they'll hopefully slow down or stop as they are testing out his breathing equipment today before deciding to move to the different machine. He's still down in weight, but he's still on his gut priming until Thursday. The hope is that after about 3 days on the normal feeding schedule (which will start on Thursday), he will start picking up some weight. Friday will be his head scan to check for any brain bleeds. We're praying that they don't find a thing.

Getting comfy!

After a late lunch, Ian and Finnegan got some daddy-son bonding time in the form of Kangaroo Care. Finn did fabulously throughout until the end when he gave dad a scare with a brady! They got to snuggle for 2 hours and 10 minutes! :)

Love those dimples! :)

Finn was honking his own nose!

Such a happy daddy!

We've noticed that Finnegan likes to pull at his bottom lip.

Our new litle family! :)